Worlds funniest and weird pick up lines
1. Did you clean your pants with Windex? Because I can practically see myself in them
2. I play the field and it looks like I just hit a home run with you!
3. I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?
4. Your daddy must have been a baker, because you've got a nice set of buns.
5. Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night.
6. Do you know karate? Because your body is really kickin'.
7. Is your dad a terrorist? Because you are the bomb.
8. You must play the trumpet, because you sure made me horny!
9. I'm good at math. U+I equal
Congratulations, youve been voted most beautiful girl in the room, and the grand prize is a date with me!
I think Im dead, because you have to be an angel.
Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?
Whats that in your eye? Oh, I guess it was just a twinkle
If you were a book, the writing would be what we call FINE PRINT!
If I could hold a star every time you made me smile I would have the entire night sky in the palm of my hand.
If you were a booger, I would pick you first. (O.O ... Gross...)
Were you arrested earlier
1. "Evil beware - We have Waffles." - Raven from Teen Titans
2. "Pants are an illusion, and so is death!" - Hue the Swampbender from Avatar: the Last Airbender
3. "I am bike cheese!" - Eugene Mirman
4. "All destinations are final - that's what it means, destiny, final - if you haven't gotten where you're going....you aren't there yet!" - George Carlin
5. "The key to life isn't to set goals to achieve - the key to life is to set goals no one can take away from you! For example, tonight, my goal is to go to the bathroom outside my pants!" - James P. Connolly
6. "My motto is 'Shoot for the curve but everything above it is gravy!'" - James P
Every fight is a food fight when youre a cannibal.
-- Demetri Martin
"My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil."
"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."
"A good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation"
"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific."
"If you can't fix it with duct tape you havent used enough."
"All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand."
"Constipated People Don't Give A crap."
"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you critic
Renaming video game titles: by Dragunov-EX, journal
Renaming video game titles:
I talk about video games a lot in my journals, so it shouldn't be a surprise that I've chosen to do this. What I'm going to do is basically display what I personally think the titles of games should be. Before anyone gets offended or anything like that, I'd like to say that these are all just opinions, and that you all treat them as such. Now that I'm finished catering to the oversensitive, here we go.
The elder scrolls V: Skyrim = Dumbing it down: The game
MineCraft: Check out this cool thing I made: The game
Devil May Cry(DMC): Fanboys bitching: The game
Demon/Dark souls: Bragging rights: The game
Call of duty: Ghosts = Little kids sex
On the first day of Christmas,Chuck Norris gave to me-only one second to flee.
On the second day of Christmas,Chuck Norris gave to me-two broke knees,and only one second to flee.
On the third day of Christmas,Chuck Norris gave to me-three rabbit punches,two broke knees,and only one second to flee.
On the fourth day of Christmas,Chuck Norris gave to me-four fractured digits,three rabbit punches,two broke knees,and only one second to flee.
On the fifth day of Christmas,Chuck Norris gave to me-FIVE ROUNDHOUSE KICKS!,four fractured digits,three rabbit punches,two broke knees,and only one second to flee.
On the sixth day of Christmas,Chuck No
You're Probably a Redneck if...
by Jeff Foxworthy
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More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
You ever used lard in bed.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'oeurve.
There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
Fewer than half of your cars run.
Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the Sta
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Q: How old is your son - the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where a